


Strangelove

by Sashataakheru



Series: Two Taskmasters - Stories About A Kinky Threesome [1]
Category: Taskmaster (UK TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, Begging, Bisexuality, Collars, Community: seasonofkink, Consent, Contracts, Cuckolding, D/D/s, D/s, Daddy/boi, Erotic Poetry, Femdom, Imagination, Kissing, M/M, Master/Servant, Multi, Negotiations, Ownership, Poly triad, Polyamory, Service Kink, Soul-Searching, Submission, Threesome, a lot of meta, age kink, fantasies, i have thought too much about this show, kinky poetry, retraints
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 07:57:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15703065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sashataakheru/pseuds/Sashataakheru
Summary: Alex had always wanted a master, someone he looked to for guidance and strength, who would accept his submission, who would own him forever. It just took a long time for his fantasies to become real, to find a name, and a form, as Greg stepped into the role of Taskmaster.





	Strangelove

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt 'submission' for Season of Kink 2018. My card and fills are [here](https://3evilmuses.dreamwidth.org/82357.html).
> 
> In which, Alex meditates on submission, and his yearning for a master to serve. All bc of that one comment in that behind the scenes video where he says he likes to imagine what the Taskmaster might want done next, as to how he come up with all the different task ideas. I kinda took that and ran with it, bc clearly I have nothing else to do except think about this shit in way, way too much depth. 
> 
> This poem was not meant to be 7.2k words long, I swear to the gods. DX Written as a 13-line ballad bc I haven't tried enough different poetry forms yet. D:

He’d always been there, lurking softly,  
In the back of my mind, watching carefully,  
Someone I could give my life to, yet not a god,  
Someone to be my guiding hand, my deep desire  
To give myself to serve a master, someone who can  
Make me better, make me more than I am myself,  
Who takes control, who lets me submit to  
Their dominance, their discipline, all that comes with  
Binding myself to them, wearing their collar,  
Giving my life to them, handing over the keys,  
So all I can do is exist in sweet submission,  
To serve and give service, to do as I’m told,  
That is how I find peace in this world.  
  
Always he was just a figment, a fantasy, imaginary,  
Someone I looked to in the dead of night when I  
Needed the peace only submission could bring,  
When I was still too scared to bring it to life by  
Seeking a master out there in the world,  
So I turned to my dreams, I served him well there,  
I gave myself to him, I bowed at his feet,  
I played out my fantasies where no one could judge me,  
Because I was sure no one would understand,  
No one would accept, that I needed this peace,  
That I needed to serve, that submission was all  
I would ever need in this world to find happiness  
In the strong, loving arms of my master.  
  
He wasn’t always a man, sometimes she was a woman,  
This imaginary master always reflected who I needed,  
Who I’d met, who I loved, who I felt drawn to in life,  
Building up a Frankenstein monster of all the things I  
Needed, all the things I wanted, building up this  
Fantastical person who was perfect for me alone,  
Who knew just how to respond, who I could pretend  
Was the one giving me things to do, to keep me on track  
When I threatened to stray, when my mind wandered into  
The streets of distractions, led astray by my lack of  
Discipline and strength, which is why I turned to my master  
In penance when I knew I needed the hand of authority  
To guide me and direct me, so I’d do as I was told.  
  
I did sometimes wonder if I was too reliant on  
This imaginary master, this being of creation who  
I turned to as a servant, who I looked to for guidance  
Above all the people in my life. Was it so strange to  
Look to my master as others look to God? To find  
Strength and guidance in a being superior that they  
Bow to and worship, who they serve by their words  
And their actions? How is my master so different to  
This construct of religion, this fiction unproven,  
When my master gives me the same strength to  
Live, the same guidance to do what I need to do,  
To live right by his guidance, his rules, his directions,  
To live my life in service to my dear beloved master?  
  
Perhaps my master was simply another god,  
Another face of divinity who reflected all that  
I needed in life, who I needed to look to, who could  
Bring me the submission I sought most of all?  
If it were so, I never could fathom why a god  
So unknown would choose me over anyone else,  
I was nothing special, I was not one for fervent  
Belief in these things, I sometimes doubted it  
Was even something apart from myself, a being  
Who was just something created by me, not some  
External authority, an imagination, a construct,  
A god in my own image, a god with the face of  
A master to me, a god who owned me completely.  
  
I built no shrines, I made no offerings, I did  
Nothing at all to worship my master, except  
In my dreams, where I worshipped him fondly,  
By giving sacred service, by bowing in submission,  
That’s how I paid worship to my master above me,  
In the depths of my mind, that’s how I approached him,  
And when she was my master, she kept me close,  
She was the one who gave checklists of tasks  
That needed doing, that I was now obliged to do,  
Which I never told anyone about, I just lied and  
Said it was how I did my to-do lists, I pretended  
It was me, rather than that which was given to  
Me by my Mistress, who ruled my life absolutely.  
  
There were moments when I feared I was  
Going a little mad, given how invested I’d  
Become in this master in my head, but when  
I’d tried to forget him, when I left her behind,  
Tried to get on with my life, without bowing to  
A master, I was woefully unprepared for how badly  
I would cope, for how much of my life I had handed over to  
My master, how little I could do for myself when I  
Tried to take care of everything, I lacked the external  
Authority to get my work done, to get anything  
Done at all, I barely lasted a fortnight, and they  
All noticed the change in me, they saw how much of a mess  
I’d become, so I returned, shamed, to the feet of my master.  
  
That was the moment I knew I could not sustain  
An imaginary master, I needed a life partner,  
I needed a physical master to own me, so  
I could stop being so utterly dependent on  
This god I had created for myself, who I was  
Far too reliant on to live my own life, I knew  
I needed to change, so I began looking for someone  
Who would own me, control me, who would  
Be dominant enough for me, who would  
Love me regardless, who would accept my submission,  
My faithful devotion, my unbounded loyalty,  
To keep me in check the way my god had done,  
Now I just had to be brave to seek out my master.  
  
But I wasn’t very brave, I was so very scared to  
Pursue what I wanted, to find myself a master,  
It just felt like too much of a burden to give someone,  
To take care of me like a parent should do for a child,  
I was constantly afraid of rejection, that no one would  
Understand what I needed, or be willing to even  
Listen when I tried to explain it, my awkwardness  
Really didn’t help very much either, because I didn’t  
Know how to even begin approaching someone,  
To see if they were even as interested as I was,  
So most of the time I chickened out instead,  
Content to be alone, content to turn back to  
My master, who I knew would never abandon me.  
  
For a long time, I was certain that marriage would  
Sate my desires, if I found the right woman  
Who was willing to let me bow at Her feet, to  
take all my submission, and for a while,  
It was wonderful, it was all I ever wanted, She  
Liked being in charge, She liked making rules,  
She liked making sure I would do as I was told,  
Yet still there was he lurking deep in the shadows,  
Just waiting for the moment to come out of the darkness  
Once it wasn’t enough, when I wasn’t always there,  
When we wanted to be parents and our priorities changed,  
When I realised I needed more than She was willing  
To give me, my master called me back into service.  
  
I hated myself for so long, I felt so much like I had  
Broken Her trust, all because I needed more than Her,  
I needed more submission, I hungered for a master,  
But I never said anything, I just let it eat me from within,  
Wishing desperately that I could be without these desires,  
While still doing my best to obey Her, of course I still loved Her,  
To do as She asked, to give my life to Her endlessly, even though  
I often felt She could see the sadness in my eyes as we kissed,  
As She fucked me, as She did her best to own me, as we  
Tried to make it work, knowing I wasn’t home often enough,  
And it ate me inside, I hated how much I was disappointing Her,  
I felt like I had let Her down completely, and She deserved  
To be with someone better than I could ever be.  
  
I would never have strayed, not without permission,  
I was too submissive, too loyal, I would not risk Her punishment,  
But that yearning for submission only grew stronger  
And perhaps out of that did he become the Taskmaster,  
Planted the seed that gave birth to this commander,  
That gave me a chance to be the one in control,  
To be setting the tasks, to be judging their performance,  
Perhaps just a lie I thought would give me the confidence  
To take charge of myself, to not need submission,  
And perhaps it might have if it hadn’t been picked up  
For TV, which gave me the perfect opportunity to be  
Instead of the master, to be the servant at last,  
To play out all my fantasies of submission to him.  
  
I knew it the first time Greg walked into the room,  
That this was my master made flesh, the very one  
I knew I would give my life to, the master I’d been seeking,  
For so long a fantasy, so long just a dream of  
Finding the one who would own me forever,  
And here he was, the Taskmaster made real,  
Brought into the world in the form of this giant,  
The man who would own me and control me so beautifully,  
Who would finally give me the outlet I needed  
For my submission so that I could find my peace,  
If only he was interested, if only he was willing to  
Take me, collar me, accept my submission,  
To make this fantasy finally come true.  
  
I can admit to indulging in a certain amount of  
Wish-fulfillment as I created the roles for us both,  
Seeing how far I could push my agenda,  
How far I could push our relationship before he  
Might baulk at the thought of being with me,  
Of being my master, of being in love with me,  
As I had fallen in love with him utterly, completely,  
But he never backed down, he just seemed to  
Naturally fall into that space, where he was my master,  
Where I adored him, where I was his servant, doing  
All of the tedious work so he wouldn’t have to,  
Which did nothing at all to dissuade my fantasies  
That this was the man I would bow to forever.  
  
Accepting that my heart is big enough for two  
Wasn’t something I thought I was capable of doing,  
Of being equally in love with both She and him,  
To know there was no contradiction, there was no betrayal,  
Took many nights of torment, many nights without sleep,  
Wrestling with my conscience, knowing it was right,  
Wondering if I wasn’t just projecting my desires for  
A master to own me, who could give me what I really needed  
Onto him whether he wanted it or not, whether he was even  
Possibly interested in a relationship like that, if he would even  
Want me if I was already taken, or if it would become just another  
Immovable roadblock to my desires, chances dashed, ripped apart,  
Leaving me longing, still searching, for the one who would own me.  
  
She knew, of course, that something was wrong, and so  
When She asked, I confessed, I told Her everything about him,  
I wouldn’t have lied to Her, I wouldn’t have dared,  
But we both knew I wanted more than She was willing  
To give me in dominance, in control, and I wouldn’t force Her  
To go beyond Her boundaries, to make Her uncomfortable,  
And so I begged Her permission to court him, to relieve Her of  
Having to feel like She had to do things She didn’t want to,  
To give my submission to him as well, where he could control me,  
He could reinforce my discipline, and perhaps in time they might  
Find common ground, if She was interested at all, if She wanted  
To work with him, to own me together, to rule my life,  
So that I could get all I needed from the two masters who owned me.  
  
I begged at Her feet for a week and a half,  
She wanted me to prove just how much I needed this,  
Needed him in my life, needed the hand of a master,  
To give me the dominance She couldn’t give me,  
I gave all my reasons, I cried so many tears for Her,  
Hoping against hope that this wasn’t all for nothing,  
That he would be open to being my master after all,  
And wouldn’t be scared off, but would take me under  
His wing, as his submissive, as his precious little boy,  
To guide me, and own me, and give me all that I needed,  
So my heart could finally feel complete, with them both  
At my side, with me sitting at their feet, wearing  
Both of their collars, and their dominance, around my neck.  
  
With permission granted came relief, short-lived, as  
Then the anxiety came as I’d have to seduce him,  
This wasn’t my forte, this wasn’t my skill,  
I didn’t want to ruin what we’d spent so long creating,  
If he didn’t want me, if he wasn’t interested in  
Taking our relationship further than the show itself,  
Because I just couldn’t help being submissive around him,  
He just brought out that subspace, that mindset, to please him,  
To do as he said, to quietly sit at his feet, and if he seemed to be  
Bothered by this, he never said anything, he seemed quite content  
To have me at his beck and call, happy to give me orders,  
To tell me what to do, and yet I just couldn’t be sure if  
He was queer enough to want me, or if he was even queer at all.  
  
It turns out all we had to do was get drunk, I confessed  
All my desires to him in the cold night on his balcony,  
Trying so very hard not to cry, begging him not to hate me,  
To walk away from it all now, before it had even started,  
Desperate not to ruin things between us, I had come to adore him,  
I didn’t want to lose him over something so unnecessarily dangerous,  
But all he did was put his arm around my shoulders  
Whispered comfort to me, tried to calm me down gently,  
Told me not to be ashamed, that he’d sometimes wondered whether  
My submission was more than an act, more than just for the show,  
Which just made me cry harder, he’d seen right through me,  
I hated confessing to being so useless, to being so weak,  
To needing someone to own me, to needing a master to faithfully serve.  
  
I was so afraid my confession would ruin everything, what if  
We didn’t last, what if this all ended in tears, what if  
We couldn’t make this work, what if he wasn’t the one,  
What if he wasn’t able to own me the way that I wanted,  
The way that I’d dreamed of for years, what if instead  
I’d just hopelessly misread his affections, what if he wasn’t  
As queer as I first thought he was, what if all my desires just  
Ruled our relationship, and he just felt neglected, unhappy?  
What if we ended up ruining the show? What if no one liked it?  
What if it ever got out that this wasn’t just for the show, that  
It wasn’t just for the sake of the world we’d created?  
What if She left me? What if they took away my children?  
What if it just broke us completely? Would I risk everything for him?  
  
I don’t remember much, just sitting there in tears,  
Just shaking in his arms, afraid I’d just ruined everything  
With my confessions, my desires, my need for submission,  
Afraid that he wouldn’t want me, that he’d hate what I am,  
That he’d see the pathetic excuse of a man I really was,  
Sitting there in the cold, drunk, crying, humiliated,  
Wanting something so bad it might destroy us instead,  
I wanted to run, but I just couldn’t move, couldn’t bring  
Myself to leave his arms, leave his gentle embrace as he  
Held me close, offered comfort, did his very best to calm me,  
Told me not to be scared, that I wasn’t in trouble, then all  
I remember is his voice in my ear, just holding me close  
As he reassured me I was safe, I was loved, that I was alright.  
  
I still don’t remember exactly what I told him that night,  
I just remember he said something, and it all just came out,  
I just confessed to it all, to all my deepest desires for him,  
To kneeling at his feet, which I’m sure I actually did, I’m sure  
I got down before him, begging on my knees, probably crying,  
Ashamed at what I was asking for, I remember that much, but  
I don’t remember whether I told him all of the specific things that  
I wanted, the kinks I’d been dreaming of, the things I’d  
Only ever kept to myself, the small little desires that She  
Would never do for me, which I always felt bad about because  
So much of what She did for me was just what I needed,  
But if I said any of that, I don’t remember it well, if I remember at all,  
And I don’t know if I ever want to know for sure.  
  
I barely felt the first kiss he gave me, I hardly registered  
What was happening around me, only aware that he was  
Picking me up in his arms, cradling me like a child  
As he carried me inside, and set me down on the sofa,  
Then all I could see was his face and his smile as he  
Gently stroked my head, then he kissed me goodnight  
Saying we’d talk about it all in the morning, that now  
Wasn’t the time, that we were both way too drunk,  
That he didn’t want to take advantage of me, to make  
Promises to me that he might not be able to keep,  
That it would be better to wait till we were both  
In better shape to have a conversation about dominance  
And submission and what that might mean for us together.  
  
The sound of his voice was what I fell asleep to,  
He talked softly about things I could hardly follow,  
But it didn’t really matter, he just never left my side,  
For a moment, he took my hand in his and just stroked it  
With his thumb, murmuring gently, I think he kissed my head,  
I don’t really remember, except for the sound of his voice,  
That was constant and gentle, that was the last thing I heard,  
And I’m sure that he whispered to me that he loved me,  
Just barely a whisper to me, just the soft words, ‘I love you’,  
It made my head spin, my heart didn’t know what to do with that,  
If I’d tried to respond, I’m not sure I could’ve spoken,  
I’m not even sure what I would have said back to him now,  
But maybe it’s all just lost in those hazy drunk memories.  
  
I don’t know when I woke, I just knew it was dark, the  
Curtains were drawn, I was sleeping under a blanket,  
I think all I did was go back to sleep, not ready to face  
What I knew I’d just done when I’d confessed to him  
All of my submissive desires, to kneel at his feet, to  
Serve him faithfully, that was the only thing still clear  
In my head, and I wanted to run, to forget it had happened,  
The thought that I’d have to face him scared me shitless,  
I didn’t know how he’d react, whether he would still  
Want to be a part of this show, to still play as my master,  
Once he knew that I desperately wanted it all to be real,  
That I wanted to be his, to be more than his assistant,  
To be his servant, his submissive, his precious little boy.  
  
The first thing I saw when I woke properly was a collar,  
Just sitting on the coffee table, in front of my eyes, I  
Wasn’t sure what it meant, I didn’t know what to do,  
Then I looked up and saw him sitting there, watching me,  
Silently, passively, curiously, yet still with the expression  
Of the master I loved, the one who I wanted more than  
Anyone else, the one I served devoutly, and all I could do  
Was carefully sit up, not sure what to do, or how to react,  
Taking in my surroundings, I didn’t dare say a word,  
I couldn’t help pulling the blanket around me, a shield  
In case I needed it, as I watched him, and the sunlight  
Shift dimly across the walls through the curtains as the  
Soft smell of cigarettes quietly drifted through the air.  
  
He didn’t say a word, he just watched me in silence,  
His expression changing, sometimes he smiled,  
Sometimes he looked coy, sometimes I felt he was  
Silently undressing me, trying to see what kind of sub  
I would make, but I didn’t know, he didn’t speak at all,  
I was left with my thoughts and this collar before me,  
As I tried to decide what this actually meant, was this  
An offer to collar me? Had I made the right choice?  
To confess my heart? Was he going to be mine?  
Was all of this pain, this humiliation, worth it at last?  
What did he want from me? What was he waiting for?  
There were too many questions swimming around in my head  
And all I did was curl into the sofa, not knowing what to do.  
  
I felt too tired to be talking about any of this now, the more  
I sat there, the more last night caught up with me, I closed  
My eyes, fearing what was to come, and that was when he  
Spoke at last, ‘Eyes open!’ he said, and I did as I was told,  
‘Look at me!’ he ordered, and I obeyed, staring at him alone,  
He was silent again, a thousand thoughts flooded my mind,  
None of them helped me make sense of this at all,  
All I knew to do was to not avert my gaze, I just  
Kept looking at him, looking into his eyes, studying his face,  
Waiting for something else to happen, waiting for another  
Order, another word to be spoken, anything at all  
To break the silence of staring at him, which I found  
More and more uncomfortable the longer it went on.  
  
That just made him smile, to see me squirming, to see me  
Wanting to do something else, but being so beholden to my  
Submissive mind that I would not dare look away, to disobey  
An order, even though I felt him staring straight through my soul,  
Seeing everything I am, and everything I can’t be, to see  
All of my weaknesses, all of my flaws, to see everything bad  
I try so hard to conceal; his gaze just broke down all of my  
Defences, I was so unprepared for how vulnerable I would  
Feel to be in his presence and to be so exposed, to know  
He had seen through everything I’d tried to hide, and all  
With his angry eyes, and his constant stare, and the way he  
Just made me comply without even trying, he was  
Radiating dominance from the first moment I saw him.  
  
He laughed, but I didn’t know what at, I just kept on  
Staring at him, not wanting to look away, to make sure  
I was still being obedient, the way he wanted me to be,  
But then he told me to get on my knees, get off the sofa,  
To kneel before him so he could see what I knew already,  
To see if he’d have to teach me how to kneel for him,  
And I have to admit I grew a bit nervous then, to see  
That this was indeed actually happening, that he really  
Did seem to want to take me on as his submissive, that  
This wasn’t a joke, that this wasn’t a prank, I could see  
It in his eyes, in the way that he spoke, everything about him  
Seemed deeply serious about this, and so I suddenly found  
Myself feeling much more awake than before.  
  
Obediently, I got down on my knees, knelt at the table,  
Felt subspace descend, wondered if this was what he had  
Been waiting for, to see the obedient, submissive little boy appear,  
I lowered my head, I avoided his gaze, sitting the way I’d been taught  
To by She, knowing any offer would need Her approval before  
I could submit to him, before he could own me, but I didn’t much  
Care at that moment as he looked at me, offered me coffee, some bacon,  
Some eggs, whatever I wanted, I think I just stared at him, stunned,  
Unsure how he wanted me to react, to behave, but he didn’t seem  
Angry, he didn’t seem mad, he seemed so gentle, so kind, so pleased,  
All I did was kneel there, refusing to move in case I did something wrong,  
Wondering what he wanted from me, as I answered his request,  
Hoping I’d chosen right, hoping this wasn’t a trial I needed to pass.  
  
He fed me like a child, sat me down on his knee, talked to me gently  
About everything and nothing, let me wake up on my own terms,  
Didn’t push me about what I’d confessed the night before,  
He said I could call him daddy; I shivered, how did he know?  
I felt safe with him, his arm wrapped around my shoulders, I loved  
How gently he spoke, how he laughed, how he was never mean,  
How he told me crazy stories, made me smile, put me at ease,  
Made me feel loved, that this was alright, that we wouldn’t be seen,  
He let me shower, wrapped me in a blanket, hugged me tight,  
So wonderfully warmly, and I almost couldn’t believe it was  
Happening, that he seemed willing to own me, to have me,  
To take me under his wing, to make me his little boy,  
Just the way I’d always dreamed of with my master.  
  
He just kissed me then, long and slow, as if he wanted  
To stop me thinking further ahead than was necessary,  
When we hadn’t even agreed to be together, before  
Anything had been settled, and it was just what I needed  
To reassure me that he was keen, that he might just be  
Interested in taking me on, I just remember staring at him,  
Unsure what to say, so he kissed me again, and again, and again,  
Until I submitted to him, melted into his arms, into  
His sweet embrace, and I didn’t resist him, I didn’t pull away,  
I let him hold me close as he told me over and over he’d  
Been waiting for me to approach him, to see if he’d been  
Reading me properly, that I was interested in something more,  
Something that might potentially change our lives forever.  
  
I leaned against his shoulder as he held me in his arms, and  
We talked then about what we both wanted, and what kind of  
Master I needed him to be, if we were going to do this, if we were  
Going to make this happen, and I told him everything, and he told me  
The same, leaving nothing unspoken, we had so much in common,  
He just spoke of his collar, of what that would mean, of what kind of service  
He might want me to do, and how we might even fit this all into  
Our schedules, when we were both so busy, when we might spend  
Weeks apart, when I might need to survive on my own, without  
His commands, but never cut loose, and I did worry about that,  
I did wonder if I’d lose myself again like before, but he assured me  
We would always be in contact when we weren’t together,  
That he would still be my master when I wasn’t by his side.  
  
I can’t remember how long we talked for after that, once I felt more awake,  
Once I had a better idea of what he wanted, of what the collar meant,  
So much of the time was spent trying to decide if we really could  
Make it work, if we could not just implode, that nothing would change,  
We could still do the show, but I’d still have my master once the  
Cameras were gone, once we were all alone, away from the world,  
Besides, it’s not like it wasn’t already being written into the fabric  
Of the show, of how we would behave, so what would it matter  
If we continued to do so behind closed doors, when I could kneel  
At his feet, wear his collar with pride, have my master by my side?  
What would it matter if we were a couple as well? Would it really matter?  
Could we make it work in spite of it all, and not come out of this  
Hating each other, left with broken dreams of what could have been?  
  
We talked at length about how much we were willing to  
Put before an audience, how far we would go, and  
How we might justify putting our relationship there at all,  
Or whether it might be saner not to bother, to just play it  
Straight, to keep it all under the radar, to just be Taskmaster  
And Assistant, to keep it all clean, to avoid being discovered,  
To avoid being seen, to keep people from speculating  
That there was something going on, that we were secretly  
In love, but just not willing to show it, but I wondered  
Whether our chemistry would even allow that, would we  
Be able to just be friends, just be platonic, to keep our hands  
Away from each other, while he ordered me around like  
We knew he really should do, because that’s all I was good for?  
  
How much was fiction? How much was real? How much  
Was immersed in this world we’d created? I wanted to  
Weave them together, make it a cohesive narrative arc  
Across the series, to grow as we grew, and I was pleasantly  
Surprised that he liked the idea that we could just write us as a story,  
As a romance, even though we only had one series so far,  
Perhaps there would be a second, a third, with more chances to come to  
Tell more of our romance, as I endlessly sought to get him  
To confess his love for me in front of them all at long last,  
Whether they liked it or not, whether they even understood  
What on earth we were doing, because I had written it all in kink,  
In the language of master and servant, Dom and sub, rather  
Than in a language most people would be able to read.  
  
I asked, what would it be like if we laid it all out, made it all  
Crystal clear if you knew what to look for, if we  
Showed everything about what we were, what we did,  
Made the relationship clear, if you knew the right language,  
If you knew how to read it, where I could be in subspace  
Sitting on stage beside him, while he told me what to do,  
While he shouted commands at me, while we made it  
Look for all the world like we were master and servant,  
With specific kinks that would be obvious to those who  
Knew our world too, who understood what we meant,  
But were utterly oblivious to everyone else most of all?  
What would it mean if we did that instead? To hide in plain sight,  
Where no one would think it was anything other than for show?  
  
There were no easy answers, no sense at all what was right,  
We wouldn’t know at all how an audience would react until  
We filmed the first show, but there was still so much to do before  
We got to that point, perhaps it was too soon to be worrying,  
But if we were going to tangle them both together, perhaps  
It was worth taking some time to see if we were willing  
To do that, to make our love known to the world, even  
If most people didn’t understand it, didn’t know what we  
Meant, perhaps that was for the best, perhaps it would act as  
A way to avoid being outed, it would confuse them,  
And all the while we would still be putting ourselves  
Up for scrutiny because we knew some people would  
Definitely understand it, we just didn’t know who or how many.  
  
Neither of us thought we should abandon the idea, to just  
Write out our relationship as plain as can be, because there  
Was just something inherently perfect about us, about  
The way we would work as master and servant, that to  
Not write it as anything more than that would be to waste  
An opportunity to see how far we could push it, to see how  
Much of a queer kinky relationship we could get away with  
Portraying on television without most people being conscious  
Of what we were doing, or seeing what was really there,  
That we could obfuscate our affections for each other  
By making it all on-screen, and being friends the rest  
Of the time, to double-bluff the whole world about  
How much we really loved each other.  
  
I could tell he was scared, just as scared as I was, we’d barely  
Begun, barely put this show together, and yet here we were  
Discussing getting together, falling in love, being master and servant,  
Being in some ways completely unprofessional, being totally selfish  
In wanting each other as much as we wanted to do the show together,  
Surely we were better than this, we would just play our parts,  
Rather than spend all this time trying to decide if we wanted  
To put it all up for scrutiny, to love each other openly,  
Even if we just said it was all done for the show,  
Why put so much pressure on a fledgling relationship?  
One with inherent power differences as well as accepting  
That if he took me under his wing, he got my family as well?  
How could we make all that balance? How could we survive?  
  
Neither of us knew, but there was too much attraction now  
Between us to just simply forget it and not even bother  
To find out if we could make it all work, we knew we had  
To at least give it a chance, and if we only got one series,  
Well, we’d still have each other, and we could love each other  
With more freedom that way, without the pressure of being  
On television, of playing out our love before an audience,  
And if we did get renewed, then there was more fun to be had,  
To see just how far we could take this relationship, to see just  
How much we could slip under the radar, under the noses  
Of everyone, with a language they didn’t know, to see  
How explicit we could be without being obnoxious, pornographic,  
To see if we could be kinky in public without anyone noticing.  
  
I think that’s what got him, that chance at the thrill to see  
Just how far we could make it all go, to see how much we  
Could get away with, to laugh about it at home, and to  
Watch everyone’s reactions, to see if our friends might notice,  
As we wrapped it all up in a fiction, a sham, a story, a romance,  
To give the show a hidden narrative that crept up on you slowly,  
That wasn’t obvious at first until you saw it again, and again,  
And it was there right before your eyes, yet never ever explained,  
We loved the idea of slowly making it more obvious, of  
Turning it into a game, a slow burn, week by week, making  
It subtle, but sometimes advancing, maybe touching, maybe  
Stroking, maybe a comment I make, where I beg for his love,  
It becomes an obsession, a soap opera, to make you tune in again.  
  
That was when he kissed me, brought me into his arms,  
And I loved that we’d sorted it out like this at last, even if  
We still had to decide what kind of relationship we wanted,  
If we still even wanted one, and what that would mean for  
The show, and I still had to get the approval of She before  
Anything could happen, before I could wear his collar,  
So She was summoned for dinner later that evening while  
We spent the day talking, trying to make sense of what  
We liked, what we wanted, what we needed from each other,  
Most of all, and how we might survive this if it ever got out,  
How we wanted to hide, if we would ever tell anyone,  
Or if it would be our big secret, a relationship kept quiet,  
Something we decided no one ever needed to know.  
  
I wasn’t his first, but he was mine, I’d never had a master  
Other than She, and so much of what we did was long ago,  
But the submission had always been there from the start,  
But She wasn’t him, and he had different standards,  
He’d also never had a sub as part of a relationship before,  
It was only sex games, with both men and women,  
Which was a revelation I both found strange and arousing,  
So in a lot of ways I had more experience than him,  
But I found it so hard to see it that way, because of how  
So little of what we did might even count, but he didn’t care,  
He still acted like a man who’d owned submissives before,  
Which gave me hope that we might come to an agreement,  
That we might find a way to make it work for us all.  
  
They sent me out of the room as they talked, later on,  
When my fate lay in the hands of my masters, when I  
Wasn’t sure there would be a formal agreement, when all  
I could do was hope She would agree, and that they could  
Find some way to make it work, so that I could have the  
Submission I badly needed, and bow at his feet at last,  
I just knelt by the front door, silent and bound, with  
A promise not to speak, not to move, not to do anything  
Until I’d been summoned, until they were ready to  
Tell me whether I would soon be his submissive,  
And it was the hardest time to wait of my life, they  
Seemed to talk for hours, but not to me, I just sat  
By the door, hoping my torment would be over soon.  
  
She came to get me, as was Her right, and it was so  
Delightful to see Her back, if only for a while, She told me  
Later that She felt so free to own me there, that perhaps  
What we needed was a place of our own, just for us, where  
We could escape, where we could rebuild our relationship,  
Where She could Domme me in private, where we’d never  
Be disturbed, a private dungeon for ourselves, where we  
Could finally be free, and I loved that idea, I loved seeing  
Her so re-inspired once again to own me like before, and  
That maybe all this had happened for a reason, to remind  
Her of why She loved me in the first place, and to rekindle  
Our love and to remind Her of why She loved being in charge,  
With me at Her feet, bowing endlessly, devotedly, in submission.  
  
Waiting for me was a contract, and a collar, when She brought me  
Back to where they’d been talking, and they explained what was in it,  
They told me everything that they’d agreed to, and now it was my turn  
To decide if I agreed to it as well, and would sign my life away to him,  
To be his new submissive, to be finally able to bow at his feet, and  
Love him as a servant, and while it would be hard to manage it all,  
I was sure in my heart this was all that I would ever need in my life  
To be happy, to be at peace with the world, with my two masters  
Together, that’s all I would ever need, and once it was all made  
Clear to me, and I understood all that would be binding me to him,  
And what restrictions were given in terms of what we could do,  
Because only She owns my cock, so She gets to decide where it goes,  
That was when I signed it, and became the Taskmaster’s submissive.  
  
The rest of the night is a blur of pleasure, they Dommed me together,  
They owned me in their own particular ways, as She showed him how  
She liked me to behave, and he demonstrated how particularly he liked  
His boys to sit, to serve him, to speak, to write, to address him, and  
It was so magical to watch them have sex without me, cuckolding me,  
Denying me the pleasures they were taking all for themselves, and all  
I could do was sit there and try not to get too aroused, though I confess  
I did struggle, but for not ruining my pleasure, I was rewarded with  
Their hands as they pulled me over, as She made me fuck her, while  
He played with me from behind, though I didn’t feel brave enough to  
Let him fuck me just yet, but I loved the way his fingers moved,  
How he brought me more pleasure than I was anticipating, and I  
Fell in love with them both all over again in rapturous bliss.  
  
I fell asleep with their arms both around me, lying between them, their  
Hands still embracing me, touching me, caressing me, sending me softly  
Off to sleep with their voices, murmuring praise to me, telling me they  
Loved me, that I’d done so very well, and I know I smiled as my eyes closed  
To the world, there were kisses and whispers and hands straying back  
Between my legs, gently touching, just stroking my thighs, and I’d never felt  
So safe before, with them both at my side, as I wore their collar around  
My neck for the first time, it felt so wonderful, to know that at last my  
Bravery had paid off, and I’d finally got what I wanted at last, I had my  
Mistress, my She, and my Taskmaster made flesh, both my masters together  
Who owned me jointly, whom I now bowed to in submission and obedience,  
All my dreams that night were of what they would now do with me,  
And what heights of pleasure and servitude I would experience next.  
  
  



End file.
